There’s a hot primary race for a local judgeship in my community right now.  Five lawyers are seeking a six-year term on the district court bench. The field will be winnowed to two in the August 3 primary. Yard signs for all of them are sprouting around town faster than the sweet corn outside it, and I’m relishing the signs for one in particular: Jennifer Tang-Anderson. Why? Her hyphenated last name. I can’t recall ever seeing one on a campaign yard sign before, and I’ve lived her for 13 years.

This is not an endorsement. I don’t know this candidate (don’t know much about of them, in fact, one of the reasons I object to voting for judges.) The other is the absurdity, even in nonpartisan races, of trying to persuading people to vote you into a position where you’re then supposed to be impartial is. But I digress.

I love seeing the Tang-Anderson signs because they expose this conservative area to a hyphenated name and the notion that a married woman might not automatically take her husband’s name. When I got married here seven years ago and informed the priest I was keeping my name, I became a figurative Gloria Steinem. A hyphenated name ranks a few rungs down the liberal feminist ladder, but it’s still enough to raise eyebrows.

So, thanks for throwing your hat in the ring, Jennifer Tang-Anderson. If you don’t make it through the primary your signs will be short-lived. But even if you never get to lift that gavel next to your name, I think you’ve already made an impact.

PS - There’s a candidate’s forum at 7 p.m. tomorrow night, 7/15, at the Traverse Area District Library.

Last week I received the perfect gift for my seventh wedding anniversary — from a co-worker.

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At a meeting I happened to mention this blog. She checked it out and then sent me a message: “I’m reading your blog and now I’m all confused about what I want to do re: changing my name. Hmm…”

To me, confusion is simply the predecessor to thinking, which, when considering a monumental decision like a name change, is imperative. (The sadness of post-name change regret, as I wrote in January, is magnified because it’s so easily avoided.)

I asked her what she and her significant other had been thinking of doing. “I was going to take his with mine as a middle name. Now maybe we’re both going to hyphenate,” she replied. Hooray! Not only identity preserved but equity!

Happily ever after is so much more likely when both spouses start with their identities intact. So congratulations, M. on thinking ahead, and thanks for the perfect gift.

Before I had kids but while pregnant with my first, I took a nephew I was babysitting to the park. There I was introduced to Parent Small Talk: the conversations temporary comrades-in-swing-pushing will strike up.

These conversations nearly always start the same way: “How old is s/he?”

If one comrade’s child is reasonably close in age to the other’s — or if there’s another connection, say a sibling of about the same age

A rose. OK, not. But is it any less beautiful?

A rose. OK, not. But is it any less beautiful?

- the next question is always: “What’s her/his name?”

With a rapport thus established, the conversation may veer in any number of directions, but the unspoken ground rule is that kids remain the subject. Parents almost never insert themselves into these chats, not even to introduce each other. Appalled at how these parents appeared to willingly surrender their identities, I returned from that park visit and vowed to my husband I would always ask other comrade swing-pushers their names.

Like most vows made in indignation, my commitment has waned. As my two kids entered daycare, I even accepted being greeted, “Hi, Owen’s mom.” Given my ambivalence over the “Mrs.” title and having a different last name than my first, it was just an easier way to deal with two- and three-year-olds.

But I hadn’t realized that I myself had adopted this habit until today, the last day of preschool. I’m the drop-off parent. Since school began last September, I’ve found myself on almost the exact same arrival schedule as two other dads. So greeting them has become part of the routine. Today, as I wished one a good summer, I was stunned to realize, I don’t know his name. He’s Will’s dad. After nine months of crossing paths twice weekly, that’s my only handle.

The other guy is Sam and Betsy’s dad. I did know his name once - we were also in swimming lessons together a couple years ago - but heck if I can remember it. I also thought he was a pharmacist, because I saw him wearing a pharmacy logo shirt back at the beginning of the year. Yesterday when we had a longer conversation, I found out he’s actually an accountant. Reality sends another perception reeling.

But when I think more about it, what further insight would their names give me?  Let’s call Will’s dad John and Sam and Betsy’s dad Joe. I already know John and Joe are good dads. John had a funny routine he used in the winter when peeling off Will’s layers — seeing the cooperation he got, I even cribbed a bit of it. Joe bikes with his kids like we have been lately. One day when Betsy was upset about something I saw him being very kind and tender to her.

Like me, at Christmas time, John thought he missed the opportunity to buy a teacher gift, and ‘fessed up, finding out he wasn’t too late, after all. Joe knows Owen’s name and says hello to him. They both seem to be good guys, doing their best with this whole parenting thing. Just like me.

Hard to admit though it is, maybe my lesson this school year is that in some roles, in some circumstances, names aren’t that integral to identity, after all.

PS - Good to be posting again after being MIA in May. I’ll have more to say about May at a later date.